The first message sets the tone for the entire conversation. Yet many people struggle with what to say—resulting in generic "hey" messages that get ignored. Let's change that. Here's how to write opening messages that actually get replies.
Why Most First Messages Fail
Generic openers like "hey," "hi," or "what's up" are the dating equivalent of walking into a party and saying nothing. They show zero effort and give the recipient no reason to respond. People receive dozens of these bland messages. To stand out, you need to demonstrate you've actually looked at their profile.
The Formula for Success
Effective first messages follow a simple structure: Reference + Question + Personality
- Reference: Mention something specific from their profile
- Question: Ask an open-ended question that invites a response
- Personality: Let your sense of humor or genuine curiosity show
Real Examples That Work
Here are templates adapted for different profile types:
The Travel Enthusiast
"Your photo in Iceland is incredible! That's been on my bucket list forever. What was the most unexpected thing about traveling there?"
Why it works: Specific reference, open-ended question, shows shared interest.
The Foodie
"I see you're into local breweries—Denver's scene is amazing! What's your go-to spot for a relaxed weekend afternoon?"
Why it works: Local relevance, invites recommendation, casual tone.
The Outdoor Adventurer
"Your hiking photos make me jealous—I need to get out more! What's your favorite trail around Denver that's not too crowded?"
Why it works: Complimentary, seeks advice, relatable.
Topics That Spark Conversation
Certain topics naturally lead to engaging exchanges:
- Shared hobbies: Music, sports, art, cooking—find common ground
- Local Denver spots: Ask about favorite neighborhoods, restaurants, or activities
- Recent experiences: "That concert looked amazing—how was it?"
- Future aspirations: "What's the next adventure you're planning?"
- Light observations: Comment on something fun from their photos (pets, unique backgrounds)
What to Avoid
Certain approaches should be avoided entirely:
- Physical compliments: Saying someone is "hot" or commenting on body parts is inappropriate
- Generic pickup lines: They feel insincere and overused
- Negative comments: Don't criticize anything in their profile
- Overly sexual messages: Save that for much later—if ever
- One-word responses: "Nice" or "cool" kill conversation
Timing Matters
Send messages when people are likely to be responsive: weekday evenings (6-9pm) or weekend afternoons. Avoid late-night messaging initially, as it can seem desperate. Also, don't overthink response time—be yourself and let conversations flow naturally.
Handling No Replies
Not every message gets a response, and that's okay. People are busy, may have already started chatting with someone, or simply aren't interested. Don't take it personally—move on gracefully. Persistence in the face of no reply crosses into harassment territory.
The Follow-Up Message
If you've had a good initial exchange but the conversation stalls, a gentle follow-up works: "Hey, I really enjoyed chatting about hiking! If you'd like to continue the conversation, I'm here." If they still don't respond, let it go.
From Message to Date
Once you've established rapport over several exchanges, it's appropriate to suggest meeting. Keep it casual: "I've really enjoyed chatting—would you be up for coffee sometime this week?" Specific suggestions (day, place) show intention and make it easier to say yes.
Put These Tips Into Action
Armed with these messaging strategies, you're ready to start conversations that lead somewhere. Create your profile and begin connecting with interesting Denver singles today.